30-04-2018 07:31 PM
It may be as simple as; if I don't pull back to try to recharge myself a bit, I may reach the point where I can't do anything anyway.
@Smc this is very true, I have been at that point too often to count 😕
It is most important that you look after yourself also. Easier to take a break than recuperate. It is a hard decision to make though I know.
01-05-2018 10:27 AM
Thanks everyone. Looks like you all got active after I'd dropped off for the night.
Yes, I need some "respite". The first time Daughter went into a clinic I was expecting a rest, but found out that she still needed a lot of emotional support, both over the phone and long-drive-visits, so it didn't turn out to be the case. This time at least I knew not to expect it to be a break.
Methinks I'll need to phone my Mum and explain to her that I won't be visiting as often. I think she's not sure how to handle Daughter's MI, and I don't tell her all the details, largely because I'm concerned that she will over-react to it. That would just make it harder for all concerned, including Mum. She can get panicky about things sometimes, and make them out in her mind to be worse than they are. I don't like to think about how she'd react to news of Daughter's genuinely dangerous self harming. So the careful balance is telling her enough for her to understand why I can't visit, but not so much that she's distraught about it.
01-05-2018 12:30 PM
Oh, the choices we have to make ...... and then some half-informed person can come along and tell you you’re doing it all wrong and what did you go and do that for ??
Guessing you have been there too ...... more than a little ......
01-05-2018 02:23 PM
@Faith-and-Hope Hope you can reach an understanding with the kids' psychs.
I've always found it sobering that Centrelink TDR paperwork has a box that the doctor can tick if the contents of the form shouldn't be shown to the applicant due to the information being potentially harmful. Generally, I so much prefer being open and honest, and it's hard knowing that full disclosure, or confrontation with truths, may do more harm than good. We've also got that juggle with Younger Daughter, not knowing how much detail she should get about her Big Sis.
Yes, I have been on the receiving end of some unwanted advice. Frequently enough. Had to deal with that with Older Son too, with people who either didn't know about or refused to recognise his learning disorder. Once with Older Daughter we had different people at the same time, one telling us we were being overprotective, the other saying that we weren't being supportive enough. I can only hope that means we were actually striking some kind of balance point?? Have also had a close friend being critical of how long it took for me to get to Mum and Dad's end when their crisis that ended with them in aged care happened. We'd been dealing with an emergency ward situation literally the day before Mum went into hospital. Said friend is now better informed of our situation, and has since been much more supportive.
And that's another thing that makes cutting back trips to Mum and Dad's end hard. We can't tell everyone the details of what's happening here simply because it would be a betrayal of confidence, but "elder neglect" is a bit of a fraught issue. I've had some awful train trips where Daughter's had some sort of crisis point shortly before I was due to leave, but at the same time haven't felt like I could delay the trip because it may have been the only week for the next month that was more or less available.